BY STEVE BATES
The following is the text of Executive Order 666 signed today President Trump, updating the Ten Commandments for contemporary needs.
1 You shall have no other presidents but me.
The restriction on serving two four-year terms is hereby eliminated.
2 You shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it.
Unless, of course, it is in my image.
3 You shall not misuse the name of the president.
It’s trademarked, you know. I am a franchise.
4 You shall remember and keep Election Day holy.
Registered Republicans who fail to vote face deportation to s—hole countries.
5 Respect your father and mother.
Unless they are Democrats.
6 You must not commit murder.
One exception: Me, on Fifth Avenue.
7 You must not commit adultery.
I, however, can run wild.
8 You must not steal.
Unless it’s an election, and I’m behind.
9 You must not give false evidence against your neighbor.
Exceptions allowed for grand jury testimony by my current and former cronies.
10 You must not be envious of your neighbor’s possessions.
However, the IRS has carte blanche. Especially against my enemies.