I Am the Deep State

BY STEVE BATES

I am the Deep State. I am out to get Donald Trump. He will never find me.

I manipulated the transcript of a seemingly innocuous phone call to make it appear that there was some sort of improper motive in my effort to get Ukraine to root out corruption. In fact, it was the Deep State’s corruption that Ukraine is hiding, along with that of Quid Pro Joe Biden and Biden’s crooked son.

For years, I have buried my agents in the lamestream news media. Sleeper cells in all the major news networks—even Fox News—are now doing my bidding, as are well-groomed writers and editors at the failing liberal newspapers. The media are warping Trump’s words and deeds to suggest, if not outright claim, that he did something wrong.

There was one close call. A few years ago, brave Americans nearly uncovered my conspiracy to make sex slaves of children in the back of a Washington, D.C., pizza parlor. But I managed to whisk away the helpless children and the Democratic predators just in time.

The real Obama birth certificate.

In the minutes after the 2012 attack on our embassy in Benghazi, Libya, I cleansed the scene of evidence that should have incriminated Hillary Clinton for ordering that horrific assault on United States diplomats and other innocent people. I ignored the dying Americans in the process.

I stole and destroyed documents and bribed or threatened many an official to cover up the most heinous act of treason in the past century—the improper use of an email account by Hillary. That might have been my finest hour.

Getting Obamacare enacted was difficult, but because I had spent decades hiding loopholes in the rules and procedures for Congress, a small number of evil Democrats were able to push through this affront to all that is good and holy in this country. Who can measure the damage that has been inflicted on the U.S. by my insistence that people with pre-existing medical conditions have health coverage.

It was easy for me to produce a fraudulent birth certificate claiming that Barack Obama was born in Hawaii. Removing all the evidence of his actual birth in Kenya was more challenging, but there is nothing I will not do to protect the rich, atheist, socialist Democratic elites and punish the honest, hard-working, God-fearing Republicans of this country.

Having not the slightest fear of exposure, I caused the Great Recession, just because I could get away with it.

It was I who planted the Iran-Contra scandal in the Reagan administration, providing the only blemish on an otherwise glorious eight years of right-wing rule.

I persuaded the Japanese to attack Pearl Harbor. I sank American ships in countless wars. I danced with glee when brave men and women perished.

I am the deep State. I am out to get Donald Trump.

He will never find me, because I exist only in his mind.

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