BY STEVE BATES
There’s so much fake news out there, it’s getting more difficult every day to determine what is true and what is manufactured out of thin air. Some fake news is designed to influence elections. Other fake news is created to market products or simply draw attention to its egotistical authors. But whatever the reason, it’s bothersome. At times, it’s embarrassing to get fooled by it.
So, the In Sight blog is providing this quiz to help you separate fake news from the real thing.
Here are several recent news stories. See if you can determine which one of these is fake. Answer at the end. Good luck.
SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THEY HAVE
FOUND MISSING ‘DARK MATTER’
“Dark matter,” the mysterious stuff that makes up a majority of the matter in the known universe, has eluded scientists for decades. But, thanks to a sensitive new instrument, they might have located a significant portion of it. And in our own back yard, cosmically speaking.
A new machine that scans the universe for fluctuations in the space-time continuum found a large distortion of gravity centered about five miles west of Provo, Utah. After consulting Google Maps, a team of scientists in moon suits traveled to the source of the phenomenon, a sprawling ranch home in which the Peavy family lives.
“We’re not hoarders,” Mrs. Peavy reportedly told the scientists when they knocked on her door. “We just don’t like to throw away things. You know how one thing leads to another.”
Scientists say the family has added on to the house repeatedly over the past 34 years; it now covers more than 120 acres, every room stuffed to the rafters with junk. “There’s an original Guttenberg Bible in here somewhere. And the first Superman comic. Now if you just bear with me, we can go look….”
TRUMP UNVEILS DEATH STAR
TO REPLACE BORDER WALL
President-Elect Donald Trump said he will enhance his Mexican border wall plan by adding cutting-edge technology. Instead of building a physical wall across the border of U.S. and Mexico, Trump said, he will create a “Death Star” that will enforce security from orbit.
Trump would not provide a cost estimate for the project, stating only that it will be “huge.”
The president-elect said that the revised project will create jobs in all red states, whereas focusing on border states would have provided employment to many residents of notoriously Democratic California. “We will draw on the technological expertise of Americans from around our country to build and launch this new enforcement mechanism.”
Trump aides said that the orbiting station will have high-powered cameras and lasers to zap people attempting to cross the border illegally….
POLAR BEARS TERRORIZE
RESIDENTS OF MIAMI, FLORIDA
Police in Miami and surrounding counties say they are baffled by the recent onslaught of marauding polar bears. Authorities say that as many as 100 of the bears have been spotted on city streets and in suburban neighborhoods, traveling in packs or wandering individually.
Traffic has been disrupted in the central business district; trash cans have been overturned in several communities; and public swimming pools have been inundated with the polar bears, which normally limit their activities to colder regions. The average daily high temperature this week in Miami was 87 degrees.
While some children have been delighted to see the snow-white creatures, several parents have reported maulings. The Coca-Cola Co. said that none of the polar bears they use in holiday commercials is missing.
Government scientists said they see no possible connection between the polar bear invasion and the much-debated theory of climate change….
HACKERS MIGHT HAVE RIGGED
COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS
The College Football Playoff Selection Committee came under heavy criticism today after its IT director said that the results of the panel’s voting might have been influenced by computer hackers.
There were some raised eyebrows in the sports world when the much-anticipated playoff results were revealed at a morning news conference. While undefeated Western Michigan secured the first of four playoff spots, the number two selection was Moscow State University, the number three choice was Russian State University for the Humanities, and the final playoff spot went to Trump University.
The Selection Committee chairman said he was confident that the results will withstand any audit. “While three of the chosen teams do not have players, equipment or a fan base, we feel that the choices will add a new element of excitement to the playoffs,” he stated.
The football team from the KFC commercial finished fifth, just out of the playoffs. A KFC spokesman threatened to….
ELVIS, JACKIE FOUND ALIVE;
COUPLE FAKED THEIR DEATHS
Elvis Presley and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis have been found alive and living in a remote village in Ecuador.
The celebrities, long believed to be dead, were discovered accidentally by a Girl Scout troop that became lost in a jungle while playing Pokemon Go, according to the U.S. State Department. While no DNA tests have been conducted to verify the identity of the famous pair, and officials in Ecuador would not comment, the Girl Scout leader said she had no doubt about the finding.
“They have aged well,” said the scout leader. “They asked us not to disclose their exact location, for the sake of their seven children, and we will of course comply.”
The scout leader said that Jackie refused to talk to her but Elvis seemed relieved to have his secret relationship with the former first lady revealed at last. “I’m in love,” Elvis reportedly commented, adding: “I’m all shook up.” …
ANSWER: It turns out that all of these news stories are true. Keep reading the In Sight blog to make sure that you get the news you need from the source you trust.